My weekend was filled with juvenile fun.

I was pretty down on Friday because i thought i was going to go see Charlotte's Web with
this guy Jordan but he didn't try and get ahold of me until after my friend yelled at him
after seeing him at the mall with other people.
Than she said she was going to hang out with me but instead she ditched me for her boyfriend.
So i ended up going to a party with my friend Brittany.
She turns out to be a pretty good friend after all.
I love her.
We drank a little bit.
I got tipsy Jkwon style.
Than we went to Walmart and got hit on randomly by creepy guys.
Cuhrazey.

On Saturday i met Brenna at the mall and bought some bitch'n shirts.
And than i went to get ready for the play with her.
I met a whole bunch of nice people.
Now everyone who goes to Hillcrest really does know who i am.
I love Kendra.
I love Lamby.
I love Brandi.
I love Baby.
Hhahaha. Than we went to Brenna's and dyed Brandi's hair and we all dyed a lock of our hair purple.
Jansyn will be so happy.
Today was pretty mellow.
The play again plus meeting Ryan.
I have my suspicions.
But i must keep them to myself because people are watching.

This is all too familiar.

This is happening for the third major time in my life i can feel it.
My mom left me.
Travis left me.
Now you are going to leave me all of you.
You said you would always support me no matter what i did.
Now you are ganging up on me because i'm not to your satisfaction?
I'm so sorry but i can't change anymore.
I was actually happy for a while.
I have had nightmares two nights in a row worrying about this.
No matter where i go or who i hang out with i'm still dwelling on what you are going to say to me today.
It's probably that i'm a whore and i need to get my life together.
You just think that i'm a whore because you all knew me when i was trying to get over Travis or was dating Travis.
I'm sorry that i'm not up to your standards.
I just don't know what to do.
There are three of you that determine my fate.
One is kind and actually sincerely cares about me and i know that.
I can feel it in my heart and i trust her solely with everything
and i hope against hope that she wont leave me
that would anihilate me more than Travis ever could.
Another one of you is someone i thought cared for me
and genuinely liked me as a person.
Now i see you dripping with disdain waiting in the sidelines talking shit on me
with your huge guarddog of an Uncle calling me names over myspace.
Than there is the third.
Someone i barely know and can definitely live without.
Someone who matters not.
I hope you people understand that i'm going to blame myself no matter how many times you tell me that's it's just a clash of personalites?
I blamed myself when my mom left.
I mean honestly it had to have been someone's fault if she left me for someone who hit her.
I blamed myself for Travis leaving because i know he couldn't handle me anymore.
I could tell i was breaking him.
Now you.
Please don't make me have to heal for another eight monthes.

My eyes are too tired to handle this.

Everything sucks right now actually.
I don't know if the guy i like just used me for sex or likes me.
I'm leaning towards the first one which sucks.
The guy i was "dating" before was dating other people because he didn't
think we were anything.
Glad he told me.
Another guy i like hasn't responded back to me but read it.
Awesome.
The other guy i like lives too far away.
Awesome again.
I just want to be with someone.
Why can't i find someone great like everyone else did?
Where are they hiding?
Ugh.
Than i don't know if i'll be able to go to AFI in Oklahoma City.
I feel betrayed all over.
I just want to sleep for the next week.